Written by Rhys Dowbiggin

What is on the horizon for the film business? What stars will stay strong as the years go by? Let’s take a stroll down fiction lane and make some bold predictions for the 87th Academy Awards in 2015.

Best Picture

Dats My Seat, Fool: The Rosa Parks Story directed by Spike Lee

Spike Lee produces, writes, and directs, Nas composes the score, and Lil’ Kim performs the nominated song "The Right To Sit, Fool" for the biopic, Dats My Seat, Fool: The Rosa Parks Story. Peter Travers says, “…I couldn’t stay seated!”

Bloody Bloody Sunday directed by Quentin Tarantino

Tarantino returns from a self-imposed exile to helm his first work since he stormed the Oscar stage following his Best Director loss to Kathryn Bigelow and began an ironic, profanity-laced rant regarding the feminism of Hollywood. Joel Seigel says, “Bloody Bloody Sunday is bloody, bloody good!”

The Rapper directed by Darren Aronofsky

Aronofsky revives the career of a forgotten star….again. Joaquin Phoenix returns from a failed rap career in an Oscar nominated role as a poor, disheveled, white man trying to make it…as a rap star. The film also stars Aranofsy’s wife Rachel Weisz in her Oscar nominated turn as a stripper love interest named Roxy Hearts. Ben Mankiewicz remarks, “The Rapper is true to da streets; Compton unite!”

Love In The Time of Facebook directed by Nora Ephron

Starring Meg Ryan as a divorced 40-something who joins the Facebook group "Welcome To Dumpsville, Population: You" and falls in love with an aging lothario played by Tom Hanks. New York Times critic Manohla Dargis exclaims, “…I laughed, I cried, I tweeted!”

Prius directed by Clint Eastwood

Eastwood strikes gold by starring and directing as a sexist old man who lends his beloved Prius to a kind-hearted waitress played by Best Actress nominee Hillary Swank. Morgan Freeman becomes the first person nominated for an acting award without a single second of screen time in his turn as the films narrator. Morgan Freeman narrates, “People like the sound of my voice.”

A Helping Hand directed by Robert Redford

Daniel Day-Lewis is a shoe-in for Best Actor for his turn as a blind, deaf, and dumb former I.R.A. bomber with no hands who learns to play the piano with his feet. His burning desire to perform at Carnegie Hall is nearly sidetracked by a raging case of athlete’s foot. Roger Ebert quips, “Once again, Day-Lewis proves you don’t need hands to accept an Oscar!”

Standard Fare directed by Brett Ratner

Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding Jr. star as best friends who make a cross-country trip to track down the cheerleader they had a crush in high school only to find she’s a prostitute single mom with a heart of gold. Sandra Bullock aims for Oscar number two in a performance Ben Lyons declares, “The feel-good performance of feel-good performances!”

Written by :

rdowb

 

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written by rocksubstance, March 08, 2010

You so funny. Man, dat was hilarious!!!

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written by ScullyLovePromo, February 25, 2010

This is a hilarious piece! Well done Rhys!

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